The Lost Order
by Hey-Diddle-Diddle25
Summary: As far as anyone was concerned, Caleb Dume is a dead man. So why is it after a mission gone horribly wrong has Ezra recently heard the name repeated over and over again? And why does it want him to rescue him?
1. Chapter 1

**There's not really any good explanation of where this came from except I wanted some hurt and comfort and brotherly fluff between Ezra and Zeb. Unfortunately, I'm incapable of writing fluff without a touch of angst. In this case, there's quite a bit. Hope you can find yourself to enjoy this nevertheless and like always remember to review and tell me what you think.**

* * *

1:

Now:

Zeb was cold.

Rolling over, he reached out for the covers he undoubtedly kicked off sometime in the middle of the night. It wouldn't be the first time, and even though his nights consist of less nightmares then back in the beginning they weren't completely unheard of.

Only this time his fingers brushed against grass and dirt and no covers.

Confused, he blinked groggy eyes open immediately coming to two conclusions. 1) He couldn't remember the past couple of hours and 2) he was no longer on the _GHOST_. He wasn't entirely sure which unnerved him most.

Sitting up, he reached for the com link that was always strapped to his side only for him to brush against nothing. That in itself was enough to clue him in that something- he wasn't sure what- was wrong. Drastically so.

"Hello?" he called, keeping the panic from his voice as he stood up on weak and shaking legs feeling his energy slip from his body slowly, "Anybody out there?"

Once, when they were just resting on a mostly abandoned planet, him and Chopper drug a sleeping Ezra out in the woods and left him there as a means of a prank. Naturally, it was hilarious up until the boy woke and flipped out. It had been so bad, Kanan thought they were under attack.

Needless to say, Hera had yelled at them for several consecutive minutes as Ezra withdrew in whatever shell he had. He was angry- Zeb didn't need the force to tell him as much- and embarrassed and not even _Sabine_ was enough to get him to stop moping.

It was also the last memory Zeb held.

"I swear kid," Zeb called as he spun in a slow circle for any signs of life, "if this is revenge then I'm going to kill you."

Empty threat and not just because he was terrified of what Hera and Kanan would do to him if he did hurt Ezra past anything other than playful. He hated to admit it, but the kid has grown to mean _something_ to him.

Ezra didn't respond either way.

"Karabast," Zeb cursed as he racked his brain for any sort of clue of what happened and how he ended up in the middle of the woods by himself.

No, not by himself. He could vaguely make out a lump sprawled out on the ground several feet away.

"Hello?" he called moving towards the figure, "You alright over there mate?"

Nothing.

Not even a twitch.

"Hey!" he called louder, "Hey, it's considered rude to just ignore me as I'm talking to you! Are you even listening?"

As he neared he was able to make out that the figure was young and short with a dark mess of tangled hair. They were also dressed in the ugliest orange jumpsuit Zeb's ever seen before.

"Ezra?" Zeb asked expecting some sort of answer, "Ezra, whatever this is give it up. I've busted you so you can just stop pretending like you-"

His voice stuck in the back of his throat when he finally got close enough to get a good look at the kid. He was pale, which was odd, and so very still. That was Zeb's first sign that something terrible was wrong- for as long as he's known him, he knows Ezra was incapable of being still. Even when asleep.

Yet here he was, lying on his back still as a corpse which was a terrible comparison Zeb immediately regretted. One arm was bent at the elbow, twisted so his fingers were curled up near his cheek while his other arm remained stiff at his side.

"Kid?" Zeb asked, voice softer than before as he quickly took stock in the crazed fray of hair sticking out in every sort of direction as the boy remained still and silent and so very pale all of a sudden.

"Kid?" he repeated louder, as if increasing his tone would somehow force an answer from the unmoving form in front of him.

Has Ezra's lips always been that blue?

"Ezra?" and that time it came out as a growl as Zeb bent over to shake the boy's shoulders, to shock him out of whatever daze he had been forced into.

Ezra's head lolled sickening to his side, bending in an awkward angle that couldn't be comfortable for anyone. Zeb's hands tightened against the youth's bony shoulders.

"Ezra, snap out of it!" he commanded, voice twanged in panic and it was the first time he was consciously aware of the fact that the kid didn't appear to be breathing.

With more care than he's ever shown the youth before, he laid him back against the ground before hunching over him. He placed the side of his head against the boy's chest, checking for a heartbeat or something only to come up empty.

"No," Zeb denied as his fingers already scrambled in search for a pulse or something. Anything to prove that Ezra was _fine_ because that's what he had to be. Fine.

Nothing.

Not even a flutter.

"Kid?" Zeb finally growled, reaching out to shake the kid again but deep down he knew that wouldn't work. Nothing would now, he was too late.

Ezra Bridger was dead.

* * *

Then:

The prank had supposed to be funny except it really wasn't- not that either Zeb or Chopper would be able to know that. Maybe that was what was really bothering Ezra- they couldn't _know_ so it wasn't their fault. It was his for always being so secretive.

"You've been moping around for days," Kanan suddenly said in his doorway, teal eyes narrowed as he gazed in on his Padawan laying in his bed.

Ezra rolled over so he wouldn't have to face his master- the one person capable of seeing straight through him- as he grumbled, "Go away."

Kanan frowned, his disappointed at the answer striking him through the force. Ezra withheld a flinch wondering if the man knew even slightly what was going on through Ezra's skull. Probably.

"Can't. We have a new mission and need all hands on deck," Kanan supplied as he continued to stare at him from the doorway.

Ezra grumbled under his breath but knew better than to fight Kanan over a mission. After all, trivial child fears such as waking up in a world alone again could wait until after. Or never as Ezra was so fond of forcing it to become.

Except it all came back to surface the second he woke up alone in the woods with no signs of the ship or crew anywhere. Now it seemed like everyone was aware of it but no one was willing to place it into words, especially considering how distraught it made their youngest member.

Only two days later, his solemn attitude and snappish responses had gotten real old and he was coming off more as a brat than anything else.

"What's the mission?" Ezra asked as he forced himself upright, leaping gracefully from his bed and landing on his feet easily enough.

Kanan raised an unimpressed eyebrow as he filled in, "It's just a supply run, only we lost track of our source. We need to be paired off into teams and spread out, cover more ground."

"Alright. Who am I with?" Ezra asked as he stepped past his master out in the hall only to come up short when realization filtered in and he shook his head as he denied, "No. No way."

"Yes," Kanan sighed sounding 20 years older than he probably was as Zeb's vivid green eyes narrowed into slits.

"I don't like it any more than you-"

"Doubt it," Ezra scoffed, interrupting the warrior as he rolled his eyes and crossed both his arms over his chest in an almost defensive gesture.

" _But_ ," Zeb continued in a throaty growl, "It's for the crew."

"Right. The crew," Ezra agreed with a tip of the head, "How silly of me for not wanting to be paired with the one person who thought it would be funny to leave me out in the middle of the woods by myself."

"Get over yourself," Zeb replied, voice low and threatening as he stepped forward in an almost hostile manner.

"Both of you stop it," Kanan demanded from behind, voice tight and thin from stress and Ezra allowed his shoulders to slump as he realized just how much he had been wearing the older male out.

"Only if he does," Zeb grumbled like a child but Ezra just nodded, feeling childish and silly at allowing his own emotions overwhelm everyone else.

He wasn't alone on the streets anymore. He had people who cared for him, people he cared for, and he was stupidly allowing his personal issues cloud over his judgement again.

"Good. You two are taking the south side," Kanan informed already moving past them down the hall; Ezra listened to him go as he kept his head bowed and gaze focused on the tiled floor beneath his feet.

"You heard him," Zeb growled bumping against Ezra on his way past, signaling that he was angry with him despite the fact that it had been Zeb who orchestrated the whole prank.

That seemed a little odd but Ezra didn't voice that out loud. Instead he followed behind the warrior, internally knowing Zeb wasn't angry at the fact that Ezra was still upset over the prank. The second Ezra woke up alone and freaked it was like drawing a concerned moth to a flame.

So his problem wasn't that Ezra was upset but because he was still upset and it was starting to wear on the rest of the crew, which was unforgivable.

"Zeb," Ezra finally spoke after a long pause of silence between the two of them, the ship long since disappeared from view behind them, "I think-"

"Shh," Zeb interrupted, spinning on his heel and motioning for Ezra to shut up.

Ezra puckered his face, raising an incredulous eyebrow before he realized that something was actually wrong and Zeb wasn't just being a jerk.

They weren't alone anymore, at least.

Ezra frowned as he forced himself to remain still, out of sight as several heavily armed pirates looted something from the middle of the clearing. Beside him, Zeb was rigid with tension as he glared at the almost seemingly drunk pirates surrounded by something that at one point undoubtedly belonged to the empire.

"Is that what we're looking for?" Ezra asked turning to stare up at Zeb's large frame.

Zeb nodded, slow and tense, as he growled, "Kanan isn't going to like this."

Which was true. Kanan wasn't the biggest fan of people stealing their things, especially when they needed the credits for food and supplies. _Especially_ when they needed the credits for food and supplies.

"Then we'll just steal it back," Ezra offered like it was the simplest solution in the world, which he knew it really wasn't. He's been around the crew long enough to know that it never was.

"I don't think so," Zeb whispered as he gripped Ezra's arm tightly, probably in a way that was slightly unnecessary but Ezra didn't call him out on it. Not when they were still so close to potentially dangerous thieves and murderers.

"Come on," Zeb panted jerking Ezra to follow after him only for the sharp end of a spear to be directed towards his throat when they turned around.

Ezra swallowed, shrinking in close to Zeb's large form as he felt something chilly slither down his spine. In front of him, Zeb tensed and probably glared at the idiot pirate threatening him.

"I'm going to give you three seconds to get that thing away from me," Zeb warned, fingers clenching in tight fists as he practiced whatever self-control he had.

It wasn't much but, then again, it never took much.

Unfortunately for them, it seemed the same with the pirate before them.

He just chuckled, it coming off as a scratchy sound before he lowered the spear enough to jab Zeb on the side. It wasn't hard enough to bring blood but it was enough to hurt and Ezra barely had time to realize what was about to happen before Zeb was leaping forward angrily.

The pirate had just enough time to cry out in shock, swinging the spear widely as Zeb grabbed his head and smashed it against a tree. The pirate crumbled to the ground, unconscious.

"Zeb," Ezra warned as the other pirates were no longer relaxing obliviously.

"I got it," Zeb growled back straightening his posture and taking in their surroundings, "We can't risk drawing them back to the _GHOST_."

Translation: they were going to have to fight.

Ezra ground his teeth in frustration, unclipping his lightsaber from his belt and firing several well aimed shots at their attackers. It was enough to send those down but two more just seemed to fill in their places and from the corner of his eye he could tell Zeb wasn't faring much better.

" _Zeb_!" Ezra snapped again before something sharp and electric jolted through the force, leaving Ezra with the overwhelming sensation of cold.

He fired several more rounds before spinning to catch sight of the warrior, surprised to see him fending off several pirates at once. They obviously considered him the bigger of the two threats and Ezra figured in some ways they were right.

That also left his back vulnerable, a pirate creeping up on him wielding an electrified prod.

"Zeb, behind you!" Ezra shouted already launching himself forward.

The next several moments seemed to happen in slow motion, permeantly burning themselves behind his eyelids.

Zeb blinked in confusion, green eyes focusing on him before his warrior instincts must have kicked in and he realized the threat behind him. He turned, too slowly to be able to react, and then Ezra was there shoving him to the ground.

That was all Ezra had time to do.

The next moment the end of the prod was pressing into his side, sending increased amounts of pain all throughout his body for the slightest of seconds before he was flying backwards. He thinks Zeb might've said something but then he hit the ground, all the air leaving his lungs at once.

He blinked, eyes fluttering closed.

He knew the exact moment his heart stopped.

* * *

Now:

Zeb remembered now, what had happened.

Ezra had forced himself in between him and the prod set too high for the boy's small frail form. It also didn't help that the weapons were never designed to be used on humans, and he remembered the way the boy flew back far away before they were on him.

One of them jabbed the prod in his stomach and he managed an angry curse before he too slipped in unconsciousness. The only difference between him and Ezra was that he woke up. Ezra didn't.

"You stupid, stupid kid," Zeb cursed but there wasn't any real heat in the words as he continued staring sadly down at the boy's expressionless features.

He knew he should feel something but found that he couldn't. He knew he should be angry- furious- at the pirates who did this. He knew he should be scared whenever he had to tell Kanan. He knew he should be sad because despite their disagreements he did care for the boy.

He didn't feel any of this, though.

He just felt numb.

It took him a second before he realized that he was slipping in denial, his brain refusing to accept that Ezra was really gone. Refusing to acknowledge that come tomorrow there would be no bratty half-pint to annoy the crap out of him or argue with or anything because he was gone. Just like that.

"No," Zeb growled and there was something tight and harsh in his voice that time, "You can't die. I won't let you."

He shook the kid's chest like that would somehow help. It didn't but he refused to give up, refused to just accept the death of someone else close to him and he rushed to his feet for a sign of anything to help him out.

Finding nothing, he turned back around to where Ezra was lying.

Or, rather, where Ezra should've been lying.

There was nothing by the time he gave up, spinning around to accept the facts and allow the grief to finally overflow and fill him. Now instead there was only anger because he knew Ezra wasn't capable of just standing and walking away, which meant someone had snatched his body while he wasn't looking.

Who Zeb didn't know. Why he didn't think he wanted to know. He just knew that whoever it was would be _very_ sorry whenever he caught up with them.

His fingers curled into tight fists at his side as he forced his entire body to relax. It didn't help much, his body too tense with the knowledge that even after finding the body snatcher he'd have to walk back to the ship alone.

How was he going to be able to tell Kanan that his padawan was dead?

"Focus," he growled lowly to himself as he took careful stock in his surroundings, "They couldn't have gone very hard carrying dead weight."

Bad choice of words, he decided immediately but he noticed signs of a trail so he discarded the thoughts as he focused on hunting down the body snatcher. Blindly and without much thought, he headed down the trail of occasionally broken twigs and crushed grass.

He didn't have to look for very long.

He followed the trail for a little under three minutes before he came up on chanting. Ducking behind a tree he was able to make out a cloaked figure kneeling in a clearing at the bottom of the slope. Their back was to Zeb so he couldn't make out anything beyond their bony figure. Several feet away, laid peacefully across the grass was Ezra.

His head was turned so Zeb couldn't see it, which was fine with him. From where he was currently stationed he could convince himself that Ezra was fine. Sleeping or unconscious maybe but nowhere near that cold figure forever burned in the back of Zeb's memories.

The figure made a clicking noise and a sharp pang of anger rushed through Zeb at once. He didn't know what was going on only that the odds that the stranger was using Ezra's body for some sort of ritual were high and that made him see red.

He cried out, surging down the slope faster than he's ever moved before in his life. He didn't have his weapon on him, which was fine because he'd much rather feel the pain he was about to inflict on the mysterious robed figure.

The figure stopped chanting then, spinning to face Zeb head-on. Zeb didn't even hesitate before he sent his fist smashing against the stranger's green face.

They went flying, hitting the grass and bouncing like they weighed close than nothing. Zeb didn't stop to ponder that, though, as he descended on them once again.

Behind him, Ezra coughed.

Zeb froze at the noise, burning green eyes focused on the robed figure who hadn't made another noise since they stopped chanting. It was like everything in the forest grew deathly still as he refused to spin around and face the fact that he failed again.

It was still a little early for him to start going crazy.

Ezra coughed again, this time it coming out more strangled than before and Zeb didn't hesitate to spin around that time.

Ezra was on his side, dark strands of hair covering his face, as his back shuddered. He coughed again, the noise coming out a little less painful than before and just the sight of the kid _moving_ again had Zeb at his side. Worried hands reached out, to touch the boy in some form of comfort- for both him and the kid.

"Hang on kid," he muttered softly, "You're going to be alright."

He spun around to face the cloaked figure, to demand that he help the kid somehow, but was faced with nothing. The figure was gone, and they were alone. He frowned as he turned back to Ezra who now looked half-conscious and weak.

It didn't matter because he was _alive_.

"Don't worry kid," Zeb reassured in the softest voice he's ever used on the kid before as he hefted him up, a little disturbed by how the kid seemed to weigh close to nothing, "You're going to be alright."

 _Now_ , his brain added while at the same time reminded him that it wasn't going to be that easy. Ezra had _died_ and there was no way that wasn't going to cause even the slightest form of repercussions. Knowing them, it was going to be much more than a _little_.

"Don't worry, everything is going to be fine," Zeb repeated but this time wasn't sure for whom.

Ezra just tossed his head to the side, body seizing up at once like he was experiencing an especially bad nightmare before he went limp again as he muttered almost too soft for Zeb to hear, "Caleb Dume."

The name meant nothing to Zeb, and he wasn't sure he's ever heard Ezra mention it before. That didn't really mean anything, though, not when he considered how secretive the kid still was.

"Don't worry," he repeated instead following his trail back to where they came from, "You're going to be just fine."

* * *

Predictably enough, they were the last ones to make it back to the ship. The sun nestled somewhere behind the tree line and Ezra hadn't stirred in his arms since the clearing, which had been enough to send jolts of icy waves of panic rushing through his veins.

He hadn't spontaneously stopped breathing, though, he just looked exhausted. Zeb supposed that made sense but couldn't say he was expert of what happened when someone died and came back to life because of shady figures in the woods.

Hera met them the second the _GHOST_ came within view.

"What happened?" she demanded, voice hard as green eyes shifted to Ezra still tightly clutched in Zeb's grasp.

"Pirates," Zeb explained breathlessly as they ran back to the ship, "We were ambushed. Where's the others?"

"Out looking for you," Hera explained and though it came out hardened she didn't really sound angry so much as worried.

"Right. Sorry," Zeb apologized as they entered the ship, following Hera as she headed straight to the med ward.

"Don't be," Hera reassured, "I'm just glad both of you are alive."

A chill crawled down Zeb's spine and he was sure it showed on his face, which was why he was thankful she had stopped paying so much attention to him. They entered what served as their med bay and Zeb gently laid Ezra on one of the beds.

"Go contact Kanan and tell him that you and Ezra are back," Hera demanded as soon as he relinquished his grip on the boy.

Zeb stepped back, nodding though he was reluctant to leave Ezra again- the image of him cold and still and dead lingering. He shoved it all back, though, as he turned to obey.

His conversation with Kanan was rather short, and he decided it would be best to leave out the part where Ezra had died and come back to life when the man had asked what had happened. Instead he told him that Ezra had been hurt and that they needed to come back immediately.

Kanan didn't reply much more with words, reassuring him that they were on their way, but Zeb could hear the fear in the man's voice. The panic at being told Ezra was injured and it was like a vacuum came and sucked all the oxygen from his lungs.

He couldn't even imagine having to tell the man that Ezra was dead.

Pushing those thoughts away, he went back to the med ward with Hera and Ezra. Ezra was still unconscious, face a mask of peace. Hera was beside him and she didn't look overly concerned, which Zeb took as a good sign.

"How is he?" he asked anyways because he needed to be sure.

"Fine," Hera reassured, "Exhausted. What happened out there?"

"Oh, uh…" Zeb muttered reaching back so he could scratch his neck as he shrugged and lied, "You know, standard stuff. We were surrounded and they managed to stun the kid before I had the chance to fight them off."

Hera raised an eyebrow, signaling that she didn't believe him but she didn't press. It was one of his favorite things about her, she never forced him to tell her anything and she probably could've gone without ever knowing what happened to his people. She did know, though, because he told her.

This, however, this he was never going to tell her.

Instead he slumped his shoulders as he took one of the seats next to Ezra's bedside, watching as the youth's chest rose up and down in a steady rhythm all the while reminding himself that it was fine. Ezra was fine- _alive_ , at least. He didn't care about anything else.

Ezra's entire body suddenly jerked, head tossing to the side as he whimpered in discomfort. Hera was up immediately, checking to make sure he wasn't going into cardiac arrest and suddenly flat line on them. Zeb didn't think he could handle it all a second time around.

Ezra's back arched as his head continued jerking back and forth all the while he muttered, " _Caleb Dume_ " over and over again. Hera frowned at the name, sharing a look with Zeb who just shrugged.

"That's all he's said. I don't know what it means," Zeb explained and Hera must have acknowledged his response because she gripped the sides of Ezra's head and bent over real close to him.

"Ezra, honey, it's me Hera. Can you open your eyes for me?" she asked, fingers massaging the sides of his temples as she seemed to silently plead for the kid to respond somehow.

Miraculously enough, he did.

Eyelids fluttered open, revealing startling shades of blue as he murmured, "Hera?"

Hear grinned, a relieved laugh escaping her throat in a strangled gasp, as she nodded and reassured, "Yeah. It's me. You'll be fine."

"What happened?" he whispered, eyes darting around the room and landed on Zeb. Zeb wasn't sure what he saw then, something almost foreign mixed with all the similarity.

Ezra blinked, and it was gone.

"You were attacked," Hera filled in pressing a gentle hand against his shoulder, "What do you remember?"

Ezra furrowed his eyebrows together as he seemed to consider it, Zeb almost afraid that he would miraculously remember and tell the woman what Zeb couldn't, but then a look of despair crossed his features as something close to panic settled in his eyes.

"I-I can't remember," he cried with a jerk and Zeb wasn't sure which would've been worst: this or if he had been able to remember.

Hera just shushed him, guiding him back down to the bed as she whispered words too soft to hear. Zeb just watched, heart pounding as he tried piecing together how this could've happened on a supply run.

The doors slid open, emitting Kanan and Sabine who looked equal parts worried. Ezra didn't mind them a second glance as he seemed to finally have calmed down enough that exhaustion reclaimed its hold on him and his body went lax. Hera, hands still pressed against his shoulders, looked up and her entire frame seemed to melt in relief.

"How is he?" Kanan demanded instantly, going over next to Hera.

"He's fine," Hera filled in and Zeb wondered if it was because he knew exactly what happened that made him question her verdict, "Exhausted and confused but otherwise unharmed."

That was because he had died before any real punches were thrown. He was dead before he ever got the chance to be beaten.

"What happened?" Kanan asked next, eyes shifting over to where Zeb was still standing.

"Oh… uh. We were attacked. Ambushed. Kid got knocked unconscious," Zeb explained as he tried recalling how much he had told Hera earlier.

The words seemed to pacify Kanan at least and Hera didn't suddenly call him out for a change in story so he figured they must've bought it. He hoped they did because there's no way he could tell them exactly what had really happened. He didn't even want to know.

The sight of Ezra, so still and pale and lifeless, was going to haunt his dreams for a long time now and never before has he been so thankful that they were supposed to share a room.

"He'll spend the night in here," Kanan decided then, "and we're getting off this planet."

"Agreed," Hera nodded in approval already rising from her spot; she threw one last glance at them before exiting the room.

Silence settled on them as Kanan sat next to his padawan, hands not touching him but Zeb suspected he was giving him a different sort of comfort. One only the two are capable of sharing.

"Well if you excuse me," Zeb suddenly spoke up, the silence too much for him to handle at the moment, "I'm going to bed. It's been a long day."

No one stopped him as he left the room.

He didn't get much sleep that night.

* * *

Then:

Zeb still remembered the night his entire clan was destroyed.

He had been young- perhaps too young to have been involved- and convinced like the rest of them that they were invincible. A feared people whom could- and had- handled their own for centuries.

He wasn't old enough to be considered a warrior, though he had been in the honor guard. It was perhaps the only reason he hadn't died that night the ships came, barring false graces and promises of peace but as soon as they turned the Empire away. The second they refused to sell themselves out and become their puppets on a string, it all went wrong.

Zeb still remembers the last words spoken.

" _We'd rather die than sell ourselves to you._ "

And the Empire had taken it so literally, wiping them all out save for a few, and he remembered hiding and swearing never again. He wasn't losing anyone ever again.

* * *

Now:

Ezra was cold.

Rolling over he shivered while his hand blindly groped for any sort of cover. When he came up empty he allowed bleary eyes to flutter open and he squinted as he realized that instead of curled up on his bed he was in the medical bay.

He squinted in confusion, shifting so he could make out Kanan's sleeping figure at the foot of his bed and despite the pounding headache he couldn't help but smile fondly.

At first- after he joined the crew- he thought it was weird having people suddenly care for him. Unnatural, almost, of how he no longer had to worry about food or shelter or security because he was no longer alone. Adjusting to that had been the hardest but in time had managed to figure it out.

Even still, Kanan doesn't just nap by his bedside unless something very bad had happened. Something he couldn't remember, which was unnerving in of itself.

"Kanan?" he asked in a rough whisper as he shifted again, tapping the man's shoulder with his leg.

Kanan grumbled under his breath before he must have remembered something Ezra didn't know because he was suddenly wide awake. Hard eyes did a quick check around the room, as if searching for some sort of threat, before they landed on Ezra and softened considerably.

"Hey kid," he greeted with nothing but affection as he massaged the back of his neck, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Ezra supplied before asking the only thing currently on his mind, "What happened?"

Kanan stopped, allowing his arm to drop to his side as he replied, "I was kind of hoping for you to fill me in on that. Zeb mention something about you two being attacked."

"Zeb?" Ezra parroted, the name sticking out to him.

Kanan nodded before he squinted and asked, "You don't have any recollection of this, do you?"

Ezra thought for a moment before a cold chill crept down his spine as he realized he had no idea what had happened to him as he shook his head and replied in a distressed tone, "No."

"Whoa. Calm down," Kanan urged almost instantly, subduing his fears as he rushed over to ground him. Ezra allowed it, welcomed it even, and was slightly disturbed by how tired he felt once he allowed himself to relax.

He forced himself to stay awake though, as he blinked back at Kanan with a look only a child gives to an adult they trust. It was odd, trusting someone else so immensely to care for him- protect him- and he was just thankful that person turned out to be someone like Kanan.

"You alright?" Kanan asked after a long pause, drawing away only so he could inspect him closely and it was the warmth mixed with concern that sent warm butterflies fluttering throughout Ezra's entire being.

"I'm fine," he reassured though something about the words made him wonder if that was a lie. He felt fine, at least. Exhausted like he couldn't believe but otherwise uninjured.

Kanan seemed to relax under the reassurance, so Ezra decided to chalk it up as a win. Perhaps later when he managed to get Zeb alone he'll ask. If he could stay conscious longer than five minutes, that is, the pull of sleep already drawing on the very corners of his consciousness.

"It's okay," Kanan's voice reassured somewhere from a great distance away as strong hands guided him back to his mattress, "Sleep."

Ezra obeyed, relenting himself to the darkness that seemed to swirl somewhere on the edge of his brain. Seconds before it swallowed him whole, though, he heard the softest whisper somewhere at the edge of his consciousness. Two words. A name, really.

 _Caleb Dume._

* * *

 **Expect the second chapter sometime next week.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to all those who reviewed, liked or followed this story. You guys are the best and, no, I'm not just saying that. As promised, here's chapter 2. As always, hope you enjoy.**

* * *

2:

Then:

They've all heard the story before but it never seemed to come from Kanan. It didn't have to because they already knew.

The clone troopers had gone rogue, implementing Order 66 and destroying any and all Jedi left. Hundreds were massacred by their allies. Their Comrades. Friends.

They knew this just like they knew among the casualties there were some survivors. Some- not many- but _some_ which is all that really mattered to them.

Caleb Dume hadn't seemed able to make it.

Kanan Jarrus had.

* * *

Now:

The next day, Ezra was declared fine by Hera. He could stay conscious longer than five minutes, at least, and had no physical indication that he was injured. Zeb knew it wasn't that easy- that the boy really wasn't _fine_ but refused to speak up.

Not just because he didn't want to draw unneeded attention to what exactly happened but also because deep down he wanted to believe it himself. He wanted Ezra to be fine so they could go back to quarreling like children.

And he did seem okay. Perhaps fine was pushing it but he seemed like he had managed to recover for the most part.

Zeb figured he really should've known better.

They ended up on another planet, one filled with more forests than civilization. It was different from the spots they usually lay low in but Zeb figured after his and Ezra's attack Kanan was questionable about being around large groups of people at once.

The door to their room slid open, emitting the light from the hallway profiling Ezra's thin frame. Behind him, Kanan was speaking drawing Zeb's attention from his thoughts and to the door.

"Welcome back kid," he greeted trying his best to not put too much relief in his voice or face.

"Yeah," Ezra muttered, shoulders slumped as his childish features seemed to be drawn down in exhaustion but he didn't look seconds away from passing out which Zeb took as a plus.

He watched from his bed as Ezra stepped in the room, away from Kanan. He seemed unsure- confused almost- as he blinked and seemed to realize where he was at. He turned so he was back to facing Kanan.

"Just get some rest," Kanan told him, voice not really harsh but not gentle either. At least, not as gentle as he probably would've been if he knew what happened.

Then again, he would be overly cautious about everything because the dead just don't come back to life. It was a lesson Zeb knew all too well and one that was defied right in front of his eyes. He refused to let himself linger on that thought, though, because he didn't care about _how_ Ezra was resurrected only that he had been.

"Okay," Ezra muttered, impossibly small as he slumped his shoulders and seemed to bat electric blue eyes at the both of them.

They seemed sharp in comparison to his pale skin and Zeb idly wondered if the kid's lack of color had brought concern to anyone else. He figured it must have because they weren't hounding the kid with questions nor was Kanan trying to force some sort of training on him.

"Tomorrow we'll restart your training," Kanan spoke from the doorway almost like he could hear Zeb's thoughts, "Until then, get well rested."

Ezra nodded, still unmoving and Kanan gave him one last fleeting smile before turning. The door slid closed behind him and Zeb half-expected for the kid to move towards his bed, but he didn't. He just kept standing in the middle of the room, looking half-confused and more than slightly dazed.

"You alright?" Zeb asked after a long pause.

Ezra swallowed as he nodded, head jerking as he blinked dumbly. If Zeb hadn't known any better, he would've claimed the kid was drugged. Unfortunately, he knew better.

"You sure?" he asked moving to sit on the edge of his bed, body tense to move in case the youth needed it.

Another nod.

Blink.

Zeb wasn't convinced.

" _Ezra_ -" he started when Ezra interrupted him, voice thinner and more worn then Zeb thinks he's ever heard come from the boy before.

"Did something happen besides me getting knocked out?" he demanded though it came off slightly needy like if he didn't know the truth then he'd burst.

Zeb swallowed before he lied, "No."

"Liar," Ezra claimed without hesitation and when their eyes met Zeb was surprised to find a clarity in them that seemed several years older than the boy- older than Kanan even.

Zeb bowed his head, not sure how to respond, when Ezra blinked again and apologized, "Sorry. I just… everything is so weird all of a sudden. It's like I'm hyperaware of everything."

Which can only be considered as a side effect.

Rather or not it was a good one, Zeb wasn't sure.

"Does Kanan know?" Zeb asked because it seemed like the logical response; after all the kid's master deserves to know whenever something was different about his apprentice.

Ezra swallowed, shaking his head as he murmured, "No. I'm not sure how he would respond."

"But you think something is wrong?" Zeb pressed, intense gaze focused on the boy who seemed so small and frail.

"I think something's different," Ezra corrected before hissing as he pressed the heel of his palm against the side of his head, shoulders hunching forward.

Zeb tensed, ready to leap forward and assist the boy in case he suddenly toppled over. He _looked_ seconds away from collapsing, but then he swallowed as he straightened back up. His body was still tense, rigid, but he seemed less dazed than before.

Ezra cocked his head to the side before he asked, "You hear that?"

Zeb blinked before inquiring, "Hear what?"

Some sort of clarity filtered in Ezra's blue gaze then, like he suddenly became aware of something as he shook his head and reassured, "Nothing."

Zeb opened his mouth- to reply or to force some sort of explanation he wasn't sure- but then Ezra was moving. He climbed up to the top bunk like it was the most natural thing in the world, eyes clearer than before so Zeb laid back down as he let the matter drop.

From above he could make out the sound of Ezra rolling over, and in his mind he could imagine the boy curled up on his side hugging himself in that childish way Zeb catches every once and a while.

It had happened a lot in the beginning- when Ezra had first joined the crew- but he slowly started to grow out of it till they were rare and mostly impossible to catch unless Zeb was being really attentive, which wasn't often with the youth. He has caught it every once and a while, though. Moments where Ezra goes back to surviving on his own, causing him to curl in on himself in defense.

It was those moments Zeb thinks he sees the most of Ezra.

He held his breath, biting his bottom lip, as he considered speaking up and re-sparking any sort of conversation between the two of them. It was unnecessary, considering Ezra beat him to it.

"Zeb, I can feel your unease," he muttered from the top bunk, voice filtering in down the crack between their beds and the wall.

"What?" Zeb asked, the words shocking him as he blinked and furrowed his brow as he inquired, "Is that normal?"

"I don't know," Ezra admitted, voice impossibly young, "Sometimes. Whenever you think about your clan's massacre. Is that too invasive? I'm sorry."

Zeb blinked again as he tried working it all out through his brain.

It made sense. Ezra was always attuned to his surroundings- one of the reasons he was capable of surviving for as long as he had- and if the push was strong enough he should be able to pick up on it and whenever Zeb thought about his clan or what happened to them he must practically be shoving it all through the force.

"Don't be," he spoke finally, "You didn't know."

"I did know, though," Ezra protested and it sounded more precise than it should've, "That's the problem. I knew but I never told anyone."

"Don't worry about it," Zeb reassured again, stomach a cold block of ice as he wondered if he hadn't seen Ezra's dead body if he would've still been this understanding. He doubted it.

"So something did happen," Ezra spoke, something clueing him in and Zeb blinked because there's no way he would be able to know _that_ , not when _Kanan_ wasn't even able to pick up on it.

"I told you already," Zeb replied, forcing himself to stop thinking about it in fear of tipping the boy in the right direction.

Ezra might be dense but he's proven that he isn't stupid. With enough time he'd be able to piece together what had happened.

"You lied to me," Ezra agreed and the bed creaked before a blue head ducked over the edge of the top bunk, "but I asked for the truth. What happened?"

"Nothing," Zeb forced out in an angry growl as he rolled over so his back was facing the youth deciding right then that he would be the only one to carry the burden of that particular truth.

"Alright. Don't tell me," Ezra grumbled shades closer to his usually self as he ducked back up on top bunk, "but I know something happened. I can _feel_ it."

"Didn't Kanan tell you to get some sleep?" Zeb demanded then, keeping his voice even as he pushed back thoughts of Ezra's too still form.

"Did he?" Ezra asked in a small voice as he switched effortlessly from annoying to fragile, "I can't remember."

Zeb was certain all the flip-flopping was going to be the early death of him. He couldn't go between frustrated and concerned as easily as Ezra evidently could.

"What do you mean you can't remember?" Zeb asked as he rolled back over so green eyes were staring at the bed above him, "It just happened."

"I know," Ezra murmured, "or, I think I do. I feel like it had but- I don't know- it's so hard to focus on it all at once."

Zeb just assumed he meant the sudden hyperactivity he's felt since waking so he didn't question any further. That seemed fine with Ezra at least, as he suddenly grew real quiet. It took him a while before he realized he had drifted off to sleep.

Zeb let him be, allowing his own mind to drift off in thought.

He couldn't help that it ended up beside a clearing surrounded by cold.

* * *

Then:

Ezra was 8 when he got sick for the first time. Really sick, that is. The one where he was convinced he was going to die, curled in a cardboard box in a long forgotten alley as the rain continued _drip-drip-dripping_ outside.

He shivered, pulling his now baggy clothes tighter around his malnourished frame.

Living on the streets meant that lack of food was almost guaranteed but usually he's well enough to be able to at least satiate his basic needs. Consume enough calories to make it through another day, one day at a time.

He hadn't eaten in three days.

He hasn't even moved in the past 72 hours, forcing rainwater down his throat whenever he became uncomfortably parched as he remained in his feeble attempt of a shelter, shivering from the cold and the wet and whatever sickness he had managed to contract.

And it wasn't the first time in those three days that he was convinced that he was going to die.

Sometime around the fourth day, he had passed out. Whenever he was reawakened it was to the sound of intense arguing, followed by a loud banging as someone was shoved in the wall inches away from where he laid hidden. It was also the first time since his sickness that he realized it was no longer raining.

"I'll get you your money," the one who had been shoved reassured and they sounded more angry than scared.

"You better," the other growled and Ezra swallowed as he curled further in on himself.

It was also the first time he became aware of something more than just the obvious anger in both their voices. It's like he could feel the hatred rolling off their frames as they stared the other down.

Eventually they left, leaving Ezra to forget the angry sensation that made him feel frightfully cold as he passed back into oblivion.

* * *

Now:

 _Save Caleb Dume._

Ezra woke up to the voice, soft and almost tender while remaining some sort of authority, spoke inside his head. He squinted his eyes tighter together as he focused on breathing, keeping the eerie chill looming around the voice at a distance.

Yet it persisted.

 _Save Caleb Dume._

Ezra figured that would be infinitely easier if he actually knew a Caleb Dume. Or even just a Caleb in general but as it turns out, growing up alone on the streets limited his interactions with others as he spent most his time hiding in alleys or plotting on ways to steal for survival.

The voice didn't seem to care, though. It just kept repeating that one phrase, over and over again like it was supposed to mean something.

It didn't.

Not to Ezra, at least.

Yawning, he rolled over so he was facing the door. Beneath him he could feel Zeb's presence, deep in his slumber. Occasionally he would twitch like he was remembering something awful.

Not for the first time, it made him frown.

It wasn't exactly abnormal for Zeb to dream about something that sent waves of disturbance to him through the force. It was still odd and after whatever happened in the current blank spot in Ezra's brain it was causing for it all to resurface, which was fine. As far as Ezra could tell, Zeb had managed to make it out unscathed.

His lack of telling anybody else clued Ezra into the fact that something terrible must have happened. Something only Zeb knew and if Ezra had to harbor a guess then he would say that it involved him, which explained why Zeb seemed gentler whenever he was around and the giant gaps in his memory and the voice.

He just didn't know what so he couldn't help.

 _Caleb Dume._

The voice repeated more forceful, causing Ezra to flinch as he curled in on himself.

At first it had been gentle enough that he could ignore it. Then it morphed into something assertive, too powerful to ignore as it tried forcing his attention which was hard considering how scattered his brain felt. Almost like someone had taken it and tossed it everywhere, leaving him to scramble in picking up the pieces.

Below him, Zeb let out a gentle snort as his levels of distress increased slightly.

Ezra blinked as he realized that all of it somehow seemed different than whenever the warrior dreamt about his lost kind. This was more precise, fresher than several decades.

Sitting up right, he gracefully climbed from his bed. Zeb was rolled over on his side, covers twisted around his thickly muscled legs. His face was twisted in an expression much more vulnerable than Ezra was used to seeing.

Zeb's breath hitched as his back arched slightly. Ezra blinked, stepping back as he realized Zeb was in the midst of a nightmare worse than watching his people die. Then he realized that several hours ago he wouldn't have known that, wouldn't have been able to distinguish his fears.

"Zeb," Ezra whispered, hand outstretched as if to shake him awake.

Delicately, he brushed against Zeb's arm. Almost immediately a cold sensation washed over him, causing him to freeze as a slight shiver crept down his spine. The feeling of fear and desperation mixed in his brain, dragging out memories he had long since suppressed.

A small cry escaped his throat as he jerked back, chest heaving as he blinked wide blue eyes at his still sleeping friend. Zeb's eyebrows weren't creased as much, at least, and he seemed more peaceful than before leaving Ezra with a sour taste in his mouth.

It took Ezra a second before he realized he just took Zeb's negative feelings- something he hadn't been aware anyone was capable of.

Breathless, he looked down at his hands as he tried to determine what was going on with him.

 _Caleb Dume_ , the voice seemed to urge somewhere in the back of his mind causing the cold feeling to intensify throughout his form. He shivered, blinking dumb eyes at the sleeping warrior as he the voice seemed to scatter whatever little bit of the pieces he had managed to collect.

 _Rescue. Save. Caleb Dume. Protect Caleb Dume._

Ezra bent over, fingers going up to grip and pull at his hair as he hissed to the voice or himself he wasn't sure, "I don't know who that is."

 _Caleb Dume._

 _Find Caleb Dume._

 _Rescue Caleb Dume._

 _Protect Caleb Dume._

And Ezra was starting to doubt the mystery voice's ability to think past any mission that wasn't rescuing a stranger Ezra wasn't entirely sure was even still alive.

He thought about, briefly, asking Kanan if he had any ideas but immediately discarded the thought. He couldn't tell anyone he was hearing voices and he certainly couldn't risk them rushing out to save someone for all they knew couldn't be saved. So he bit his lip and promised to get some sleep so they could restart his training tomorrow.

Ezra forced a calming breath through between his teeth, squeezing his eyes tighter together as he focused on steadying himself. It was like the world had suddenly turned real wobbly, threatening to knock him off balance and crashing on the floor where he'd probably stay until someone came by and picked him up.

On the bed in front of him, Zeb snorted again as he rolled back over. Calming waves washed off of him, seeping into Ezra. He allowed it, letting it dampen on the confusion that overcame him whenever the voice allowed itself to become known.

Once he was certain he had his frame of mind under control, he exited the room in search for something to drink. He just hadn't been expecting for Sabine to be sitting in what served as their kitchen.

"Oh," he gasped, blinking dumbly at the girl who shot instantly to her feet amber eyes burning in concern for his well-being.

For what happened on the mission, he had to remind himself, and not because of his current mental state.

"Ezra," she muttered and seemed to grow real uncomfortable real quick as she adverted his gaze, fingers scratching against the table she had been sitting at, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Ezra lied, swallowing back the icy sensation that accompanied it.

She nodded in relief as she replied, "Good. That's good. Do me a favor and promise to tell one of us if you ever stop feeling fine, yeah?"

"Sure."

It left a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth but he managed it without setting her off that something wasn't okay with him. In fact, something was horribly, horribly wrong and Ezra wasn't sure what it was or how to fix it.

Besides finding whoever this Caleb Dume person was and rescuing him.

"Hey, Ezra?" Sabine spoke breaking the tense silence that stretched between the two of them.

"Yeah?" he asked almost instantly, pouncing on the opportunity of whatever meager distraction the girl could offer him.

"I know it's not any of my business," she started and he swallowed at the way that made her bow her head, "but who's Caleb Dume?"

 _That_ certainly wasn't what he had been expecting.

He blinked dumb blue eyes back at her as he managed out a single, "Huh?"

She met his gaze, eyes fierce and unrelenting while also gentle as she repeated, "Caleb Dume. You mentioned him whenever you were… unconscious."

"Oh… uh," Ezra trailed off suddenly uncertain on how to answer, "He's just someone I've had my mind on a lot recently."

Technically not a lie, as misleading as it was.

Sabine swallowed as she pressed, "But _who_ is he? Someone you knew back on Lothal?"

 _Save Caleb Dume._

Ezra flinched, the voice unexpected. Across the room he could hear Sabine rushing forward slightly, as if to comfort him.

Ezra blinked, straightening his back and Sabine froze, back rigid and eyes wide.

"Ezra?" she asked and her voice was back to being frightened.

"I'm fine," he reassured again as he forced himself to latch on to that statement, "I'm just tired."

"Then you should be asleep," Sabine decided, shoulders slumping in relief as she apparently found a way of helping him.

"I was thirsty," Ezra protested, coming off like a whiny child but she didn't seem to mind as she hurried to fetch him a glass of water before ushering him back to his room.

Her grip tightened around his shoulders when they reached his door as she reassured in a soft voice, "You're going to be fine," before she disappeared down the hall, leaving him alone.

Ezra blinked, steading himself against the wall as he allowed his eyes to gloss over in barely concealed exhaustion and some part of him really wished he could believe it. The voice in his brain just made that close to impossible.

 _Find Caleb Dume. Protect Caleb Dume._

"Yeah, yeah," Ezra agreed softly to himself as he entered his room and crawled up on his bed, "I heard you."

To his surprise, the second he closed his eyes he was encompassed by a welcoming black.

* * *

Zeb was woken up by loud shuffling above him.

He blinked, slowly coming back in to awareness as the mattress over his head squeaked as the body on it moved. About a split second later, Zeb saw the orange clad leg climb down the ladder.

"Where are you going kid?" Zeb asked in a yawn as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up as straight as he could on the bottom bunk.

No answer.

Zeb frowned, knowing this surpassed the boy just being rude. Especially when memories of the last couple of hours flooded through his sleep induced fog.

"Ezra?" Zeb asked in a much more demanding tone as he scrambled from his bed, kicking away the covers tangled around his legs.

Ezra's form froze, an orange outline in the middle of their darkened room. It still crept Zeb out that the boy hasn't spoken to him, yet. Hasn't acknowledged his existence with words.

"Ezra?" Zeb repeated, taking a single step forward as he reached out with a hand as if he was going to touch the kid.

Ezra's frame shifted, from one foot to the other, before he slowly turned around so they were facing each other. Something icy cold washed through Zeb's entire form as he realized the eyes staring back at him weren't those of recognition.

They were a stranger's staring back at him like they couldn't figure out who he was.

"Ezra?" he repeated more desperately as he reframed from rushing over and shaking bony shoulders.

Ezra's electric blue eyes blinked, slowly, before he whispered in a stranger's tone, "Save Caleb Dume."

"I don't know who that is," Zeb protested, hoping to convey the message that he didn't very much care about whoever this Caleb person was. He just wanted Ezra to stop acting like one of the monsters in the scary fables Zeb had been so fond of when he was younger.

"Find Caleb Dume. Rescue Caleb Dume. Protect Caleb Dume," the voice replied like they didn't understand what Zeb had just said. Or they hadn't cared.

Zeb growled, the noise reverberating somewhere from the back of his throat as he practically snarled, "Get out of him."

And this time he did step forward with all the intentions of shaking the voice from Ezra because he didn't need to be Sabine or Kanan or Hera to know that the person in front of him wasn't the boy. Turns out, he hadn't needed to bother.

Blue eyes blinked, a flash of recognition shooting through them as Ezra asked in a small voice that was undoubtedly his, "Zeb?"

Zeb froze mid-step, green meeting blue as he racked his brain for any idea of what to do now that Ezra was back. It wasn't like he was fond of the idea of coming clean just yet, filling the boy in something Zeb didn't even understand.

"Kid?" he asked instead, voice soft and concerned.

Ezra blinked again, eyes fluttering as his legs wobbled underneath him. It was the only signs Zeb got before blue eyes rolled up in the back of Ezra's skull and his legs completely went out underneath him.

Faster than he's ever moved in such a small space, Zeb bolted forward. He outstretched his hands to catch the falling figure as he accepted for the first time since waking up beside the clearing that something was drastically wrong.

* * *

 **Next chapter: Ezra takes a turn for the worst, Zeb comes to realize his mistake and Kanan's forced to make a choice.** **Remember to review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Since I'm so kind and generous, I'll be posting this a couple of days early. No need to thank me, just enjoy the story. Oh, and don't forget to review cause those are loved.**

* * *

3:

Now:

" _Kanan!_ "

The cry seemed to echo throughout the entire ship, reverbing off the metal walls and jolting the man from his meditation. Subconsciously he recognized it as Zeb's voice and it didn't take the fear in the Lasat's voice to have him sprinting out of the room. Certainly helped, sending eerie chills through his spine as his brain raced with the worst possible scenarios.

He took the corner, the door to Zeb and Ezra's shared room sliding open to reveal Zeb crouched down on his knees with Ezra cradled in his arms on the floor. His padawan's head hung limply to the side, dark strands dangling in his face and hiding familiar features.

Something electric jolted up Kanan's spine at the sight.

"What happened?" he demanded, stepping forward in the room as the door clicked shut behind him.

Zeb looked up, mouth opened as if he was going to say something when Ezra suddenly groaned. The boy's small frame curled in closer to Zeb's broad chest. It was the first time Kanan realized that the youth was shivering.

"What happened?" he repeated, closing the distance between the two of them and set a gentle palm against Ezra's cheek.

He had to jerk back in shock when something sharp and painful shot through his arm, numbing it. Ezra mumbled something inaudible as he curled further against Zeb, arms circled over his chest protectively.

" _Zeb_!" Kanan snapped, teal eyes narrowing on the Lasat demanding answers.

"He just collapsed," Zeb finally managed to force out, green eyes wide as his fingers curled tighter around Ezra's thin form.

Kanan sighed, closing his eyes as he tried seeking out his padawan through the force. He was met with something that wasn't Ezra though it didn't seem completely unfamiliar either. He gasped, instantly pulling away as he blinked both eyes open and stared down at his padawan in confusion.

"What happened back on that planet?" he demanded and Zeb gaped at him with the guiltiest expression he's ever seen on the warrior.

Red flags sprouted immediately as he narrowed his eyes, prepared to string the truth from him, when Ezra mumbled again as blue eyes fluttered open weakly.

"Kanan?" he asked, voice laced in confusion as he sat up to stare at the two of them with a lost expression that made him look impossibly young, "What happened?"

Kanan met Zeb's eyes from over the youth's head as he replied, "Good question."

Zeb just chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and looked away. Kanan recognized what that meant- he didn't want to fill either one of them in what was going on now that Ezra seemed to be back to normal. A little dazed and confused but otherwise normal.

"How are you feeling?" Kanan asked, turning to face the boy in front of him, setting a gentle hand against his shoulder and just holding it there.

There were no bouts of pain, no sudden shocks but the familiar presence still lingered. It seemed like forever since he felt it and he figured that was why he couldn't quite place where he had felt it before. That and the fact that his concern for Ezra was overwhelming his ability to piece together where he's felt it before.

"Huh? I'm fine," Ezra reassured like it was obvious, which it wasn't. At this point, it was clearly a lie and one Kanan's decided has gone on for too long.

" _Ezra_ ," he growled as gently as he could without really losing any edge.

He was rewarded by electric blue eyes blinking back at him, face paler than normal making the twin scars on his cheek stand out. Not for the first time, the sight of them made something sharp and painful pierce Kanan's chest and he had to draw his attention back to the youth who looked seconds away from passing out to Zeb, who looked uncharacteristically concerned.

"I'm going to need an explanation," Kanan finally decided adverting all his attention to Zeb, who at least didn't look seconds away from checking out on them.

Zeb just chuckled nervously, green eyes moving to the side as he scratched the back of his neck in that suspicious way of his. Beside him, Ezra turned his attention to his roommate and scrunched his face up in careful thought. He looked almost too fragile, which was impossible considering everything he's been through.

"Zeb?" Ezra asked, voice calmer than it probably should've been as he cocked his head to the side and continued, "What really happened?"

"You were injured," Zeb reassured, his face a tight mask as he seemed to stare at the kid and mentally pleaded for him to believe it.

Ezra blinked, furrowing his brow and it didn't take the force for Kanan to know that he didn't believe him. Kanan didn't believe him, which lead to the interesting conclusion that whatever had happened while they had been alone was enough to _traumatize_ the warrior.

Kanan didn't think he wanted to know, but he also knew he needed to know. _Especially_ if it involved his padawan.

"Zeb," Kanan snapped but Ezra's blue eyes fogged over temporally as he swayed in place. His hold on the force wavered as something stronger seemed to swallow him whole.

Concerned and more than slightly angered, Kanan pressed back against the invading presence attacking his already weakened padawan. Ezra didn't seem to notice, shoulders slumping as exhaustion pulled him under. Zeb caught the thin form in its decent, Kanan tangling with the malignant presence lurking somewhere inside of Ezra.

It fought back, stronger than he had initially imagined, but the second it tangled with his own it drew back. Withdrawing back somewhere inside of Ezra, virtually disappearing and causing Kanan to growl lowly in his throat.

He was certain then.

Something, or someone, was inside of Ezra leeching off of him and wearing him out to the point of constant collapse. It was a miracle they hadn't killed the kid yet, rather intentionally or not.

Zeb met his gaze over Ezra's unconscious face, eyes wide in concern as large hands curled around the thin form. Ezra remained still, face neutral as he internally struggled to contain whatever had been released inside of him.

"Zeb, you're going to have to explain to me what really happened," Kanan decided then, eyes narrowed and voice unwavering as he mentally prepared for some sort of fight for the truth.

Zeb didn't reply, fingers just tightening around Ezra's suddenly too-small frame.

It was amazing how different a perspective could change even when not much had changed.

" _Zeb_ ," Kanan prompted, voice low and throaty and it wasn't his intention to come off so harshly. He was concerned for Ezra's health, as they all were, but something deep within Kanan told him that if they didn't figure all this out soon then Ezra would lose whatever battle he's currently facing.

Kanan refused to let that happen.

He wasn't losing anybody else, never again.

"We were attacked," Zeb explained voice low and head bowed as he kept his tight grip against Ezra's shoulders, "and they had electric prods. The kid leapt in front of me and didn't make it."

Kanan's heart sped at the implications in that, eyes shifting back down to Ezra who looked worn and pale but still alive. His chest was still rising and falling in steady rhythm, which was good.

"What does that mean?" Kanan asked once he reassured himself that Ezra was still alive and it had just been his brain jumping to the worst conclusions.

He wasn't.

"He died Kanan. I wasn't enough and he saved me and… died," Zeb admitted, voice raw as he squeezed Ezra hard enough to kill him a second time.

Kanan didn't think, just reacted.

He reached over and pulled Ezra out from the Lasat's hold, drawing the boy to his chest in perhaps a too protective gesture. He didn't care, something akin to a black hole swallowing everything inside his chest as Zeb's words echoed in his head conflicting with what he felt underneath his hands.

"How?" Kanan finally forced out because Zeb was staring at him with such despair.

"I wasn't fast enough," Zeb explained as his gaze dropped to Ezra still unconscious and oblivious to the two males around him, "and he paid the price. Kanan, _I'm_ _sorry_."

Which Kanan didn't want to hear.

After all, from what he gathered he knew it wasn't Zeb's fault. It had just been a freak accident that frightened Zeb into lying to them all about what really happened, and the fact that Ezra was alive in his arms proved that there was more to the story than just that.

"What's done is done," he replied Jedi calm as he met Zeb's gaze and pressed, "but I need to know what had happened afterwards. I need to know how Ezra's alive."

Because that's all that's really important at the moment. Ezra.

Vivid green eyes flittered down to Ezra as he shrugged and spoke in a broken voice, "I don't know. I- he was taken by a figure in a hood and by the time I managed to catch up Ezra was alive."

Kanan let that sink in, conflicted between the sickening realization that Ezra had been taken and the relief that he was alive because of it. In his arms, the youth's breath hitched but Kanan immediately smothered whatever discomfort he was undoubtedly feeling.

Across from them, Zeb shifted. Green eyes were blown with concern and a need to help but this wasn't something any of them could fight. They couldn't even feel it, unaware until it makes itself known.

"What's wrong with him?" Zeb demanded, fists clenched in tight fists as something bright and angry burned in his gaze.

And it was so rare to see Zeb so concerned over the youth, willing to fight whatever was making him ill. Despite the circumstances, Kanan hid a smile. He always sort of knew Zeb- like all of them- had grown a soft spot for the orphan they had taken in off the streets, but it was something else entirely to be able to see it firsthand.

He just wished the situation hadn't been so dire.

Kanan let out a tired breath, fingers curling around Ezra's bony frame as he explained as even as he could, "The very thing that had saved him is now killing him."

* * *

Then:

When Ezra first joined the crew he remembered feeling more exposed than he ever had before- with good reason. He was stuck on a ship with strangers he had just met, sticking around only because he thought they could teach him something.

It eventually worked out in his favor, gaining something he hadn't in so long- a family. People whom he cared deeply for and would willing give his life just so they could survive.

And it was that feeling that made him recede somewhere deep inside himself. He didn't want to care, he didn't want to love, but he also knew that it was too late. He had already left himself vulnerable enough to start feeling something that was practically foreign.

The only difference was that that foreign feeling hadn't tried killing him.

* * *

Now:

Ezra was dying.

He could _feel_ it, something twisted and ugly slowly ripping away any sense he held of himself. It was destroying him and he had no idea how to stop it. He couldn't even recall where it had come from, only that it suddenly invaded his very self and was terminating him from the inside out.

He shivered, cold racking his bony frame as blue eyes fluttered open.

He was surprised to find himself back in the med bay, his orange rags replaced with crisp white clothes hospitals administer to their patents. Only he wasn't in a hospital, he was on the ship by himself and he was almost certain that he wasn't going to make it.

A groan escaped parched lips as he rolled over, the cold's bony fingers crawling up and down his spine as he resisted the urge to gag at the sour sensation forcing itself up his throat. It would be a shame if he ruined what little the crew actually had.

The pulsing hammer in his brain calmed down some as he sat up straight, though the room did swirl in a display of brilliant colors and shapes and if he didn't already figure he was in bad shape then he was almost certain now.

Forcing his protesting body to move, he managed to climb off the bed. The movement sent a jolt of electricity through his skull, nailing it in place. His vision blacked out as his legs buckled, all the while his hands reached out for something to steady himself on. He found the bed, hand fisting in the sheets as he managed to stay upright, blinking until the blackness receded.

The white robes he had been dressed in were warm and soft, but even they weren't enough to stop the internal cold that seemed to rack his entire frame in shivers.

Pushing all that away, he took one step towards the door. He wobbled slightly under the shift in his weight but he managed to hold himself together so he took another and then another and another until he managed to reach the door.

He pushed to free the latch and open the door, leaning on his weight and feeling relief fill him as it _whooshed_ open revealing an empty hall- not that that came as any sort of surprise. Somewhere in the back of his brain he was aware that the ship was empty. The crew was gone, leaving him alone.

Pushing off the door panel, he moved down the hall and didn't stop until he made it outside where he was almost instantly bombarded with the overwhelming sense of everything at once. It was like whatever presence nature held was intensified, leaving him shaking under the crushing weight of it all.

 _Find Caleb Dume._

Ezra winced at the voice, swallowing back the bile it caused but he squared his shoulders and narrowed his resolve. He was planning on it anyways because maybe then the stupid voice in his head would leave him alone.

 _Save Caleb Dume._

"Okay," Ezra growled as he moved in a random direction, the presence of the ship disappearing behind him, "You win. I'll find this Caleb and then you can finally _leave_ _me_ _alone_."

Silence answered.

* * *

Zeb grumbled under his breath for what felt like the millionth time as he trudged back towards the ship. It wasn't like he already didn't know that he had screwed up, not telling the crew what Kanan insisted he came clean about almost instantly. He just couldn't and then he did and everything went downhill from there.

For one, Ezra's health seemed to take a sudden nosedive for the worst as he became nearly comatose. Not even Kanan's gentle prodding with the force had been enough to wake him, and Hera immediately declared him critical.

They had stripped him from his normal clothes, tightly wrapping icy skin in warm robes before placing him in the med bay before they realized they couldn't really help him on board. They needed a doctor in a city but nearly six hours later they haven't been able to come up with one.

That's when Zeb had been sent away, to go back and check on the kid and make sure he still had a pulse. Zeb frowned, knowing he was being punished for keeping such drastic details from them but had complied anyways. His feet hurt, anyways, and if he was honest then he might've even admitted that he was concerned for the youth as well.

Only when he finally did arrive back at the ship, it was completely empty.

" _Karabast_ ," he cursed softly under his breathe, panic making his ears roar and echo as he flashed back to images of the kid moving against his own freewill.

He sprinted out from the ship, noting how the suns had already started to settle out from sight, blanketing the world in an eerie darkness. He ignored that realization, head swerving until he caught sight of the faintest signs of a trail.

Forcing calm, he took a deep breath and started forward at a quicker pace than he hoped Ezra would be able to take. After all, he didn't like the thought of the kid who was still so ill and confused out on his own.

" _Ezra_ ," he hissed as the darkness descended on him, jogging at a fair pace as he racked his brain for the possibility that Ezra could already have been wondering by himself for several hours now. Alone and shoeless with a crazed voice ripping his sanity apart.

Zeb's heart leapt so it was lodged somewhere in his throat.

" _Ezra_!" he cried a little more desperate then he should've- especially considering the kid might be conscious and hear it and get the wrong idea.

Though at the moment Zeb was willing to admit that he was grievously worried about the youth. Anything could happen to him and he doesn't think his heart could handle it a second time if he stumbled upon Ezra's lifeless form.

Lucky for him, the kid was still upright when he finally managed to catch up.

Ezra had stopped, hand pressed against the side of a tree as he seemed to catch his breath which just proved to show how wearing this ordeal has been on him. Usually the kid was a bundle of nothing but energy, bouncing around all over the place and capable of running circles around all of them.

This shouldn't have been enough to exhaust him.

Yet there he was, hand pressed tightly against the tree bark as he panted. His skin was an almost white pallor as he seemed to quiver in the white clothes bound tightly around his thin form. Ezra's eyes were squeezed shut so Zeb couldn't tell if it was the kid or the other person.

"Ezra?" he asked in hopes it was who he wanted as he stepped forward, hand outstretched like he was going to touch him.

Ezra flinched, shoulders hunching further in themselves as he asked in a small voice, "Zeb? Something's wrong. I don't feel right."

"I know," Zeb reassured as lightly as he could as he tried channeling his inner Kanan, "You need help so come back with me so we can figure this out."

Another step. Slow. Cautious. Steady.

Ezra flinched, curling impossibly further in on himself.

"No," he gasped as bloodless fingers curled tighter into the tree bark, "I _can't_. They won't shut up until I do this."

He released the tree before Zeb had a chance to ask who, stepping forward- further away from Zeb- and almost instantly collapsed under his weight. Zeb was beside him almost instantly, large hands wrapping themselves securely around Ezra's biceps.

"Zeb?" Ezra asked, voice nothing more than a raspy whisper as his hand reached up to clutch at his head, "Something isn't right. Everything _hurts_."

Zeb swallowed, reminded just how much he isn't Kanan and can't help the kid in ways he most likely needed at the moment. He couldn't even move him, in fear of making the situation worst. So he just held him, lending his own strength and praying that the others would find them soon.

He doubted it, forgetting his comm back on the _GHOST_ and knew they wouldn't return themselves until they found someone who could help them.

"Ezra?" Zeb asked because the silence was causing something sour to settle back in his stomach, "You still with me?"

"Yeah," Ezra reassured, head bowed and shoulders slumped but he was still rigid under Zeb's hold. Rigid and so very cold.

"You mind talking for me?" Zeb pressed knowing that he'd feel better if he could just continuously hear that the boy was still awake and mostly conscious.

Ezra just snorted, sending painful vibrations throughout his entire frame as he teased, "I thought you hated my constant chatter. You always complained about how it gives you headaches."

"Yeah well, humor me," Zeb shot back, fighting a smile at the mouthy response.

"Okay," Ezra agreed before he let off a sad sounding sigh, hunching up on himself as he continued, "Something is wrong with the force. It's like someone turned it up to 11, tuning me into every little detail around us. Intensifying what I've always been aware of but in a way that confuses me more than whatever voice in my head is."

"You hearing voices now kid?" Zeb teased though there wasn't any real heat in the words, an empty chuckle escaping his throat as he tried calming his own nerves as well as the youth.

Ezra nodded as he explained, "They keep telling me to find and rescue Caleb Dume."

The name sent something shooting up Zeb's spine as he asked cryptically, "Do you know anybody by that name?"

Ezra chuckled dryly as he forced out, "I wish but, no, I don't. Do you?"

Zeb blinked before replying honestly, "No."

Ezra gave off a sad sigh as he mumbled, "Bummer," before his entire frame went slack and he lurched forward sending something frighteningly cold throughout Zeb's being.

"Kid?" he asked, voice raising only slightly as he caught the kid and flipped him over in his arms so he could stare at the lax features lost in unconsciousness.

Not good.

"Kid?" he demanded, voice harsh and demanding as he gapped at the blank expression.

He felt it before anything else.

A push- shove really- through what he could only assume was the force. He lost his grip on the kid as he flew backwards, crashing into a tree hard enough to send several cracks running up the trunk. The grass didn't offer any cushion in his fall either.

Black dots spread across his vision as he blinked, looking up to where Ezra was now standing. White robes fluttered behind him, whipping back and forth almost eerily as he stood in a way much older and different than the youth ever had.

" _No_ ," Zeb protested though he was too weak to do anything about it.

He slipped into unconscious a split second later, the last thing he remembered seeing was a stranger standing several feet away in Ezra's body.

* * *

Then:

She held many regrets in her life but taking on a padawan was never one of them- no matter how badly the kid ran her to her wits end with his endless questions and abundant amounts of energy and constant need to either disobey or question her every order. Somewhere deep down inside she knew he had wormed himself somewhere in her heart, burrowing himself there where she suspects he'll remain even after she was long gone.

Then she had died.

She remembered, sitting on that forsaken planet with him when the clones they were with suddenly turned on them. Order 66- it'll later be known as- or just simply the Jedi-massacre because that's what it had been. Hundreds falling to people they had once fought side by side with, trusting their lives with the other.

It just went to show how easily everything could change- how instantaneous and horrible.

She had been with her padawan when it had happened, the clones they were with turning on them with weapons raised and faces masked behind those helmets of theirs.

She had turned to face them, lightsaber outstretched in front of her and her padawan somewhere behind her. She had called out to him, demanding him to run while reassuring that he was right behind him. And he had rather or not he believed her, and then she was shot and darkness and cold quickly overwhelmed her.

She fell like many of her other Jedi, thoughts of protecting her padawan being the last thing she remembered before nothingness.

* * *

Now:

There was a disturbance in the force- something Kanan never thought he'd recognize in his lifetime.

He had been aware of how Master Yoda had been so fond of that phrase, able to pick up instant changes that wouldn't work in the majority's favor, and he often heard rumors of how the great Jedi master would claim as much before everything went sour.

At the time, when he had been much younger, he hadn't entirely understood what that meant. The force was just always there, it seemed, bending and constantly changing around the different worlds. He couldn't even begin to comprehend what a _disturbance_ would feel like, always imaging the force would adapt to it like it did everything else.

Now he understood.

It wasn't something he could place with words, just instantly cueing in to something dreadful happening and, naturally, his first thoughts went to his padawan. Something he'd later try and reason was entirely because the kid was sick, dying, and a youngling suddenly fading from existence should qualify as a disturbance.

"Love, what is it?" Hera asked from beside him, green eyes wide with concern as he realized he had been talking before going silent and rod still as he sought out his now missing padawan.

The other presence was burning brightly, though. Encompassing him with its tempting warmth and familiarity.

"Kanan?" Hera repeated, hand settling on his arm as she stepped forward.

Kanan just opened his mouth, like he was going to say something, but then he was gone. Sprinting through the forests and under the cover of the trees back in the direction they had come. Behind him, he heard Hera following all the while yelling at Sabine and Chopper to head back to the _GHOST_ through her comm.

His feet slid in the grass and soil when he finally made it back to the ship, a sickening feeling entire his gut when he realized the ramp was still down- something both Ezra and Zeb knew better than ever attempting.

Behind him, Hera must have come to the same conclusion because she gasped- soft and worried- as she ran past him and up the ramp calling for Ezra and Zeb. She hadn't needed to bother though, Kanan could feel their absence.

Spinning on his heel, he relocated the unwelcomed presence. It latched onto him almost instantly, tangling itself in his very being as it tried forcing itself on him. It was strange as it didn't seem intent on hurting him, just relieved.

He didn't let that thought linger for long, taking off after it.

Hera cried out in shock, calling his name but he didn't bother slowing down. Not with the heavy weight in his chest that accompanied the thought that they were already too late. That he had failed again and lost someone else close to him.

" _Ezra_!" he did call out, hoping for a response he knew would never come.

And he was right, silence only followed as he increased his pace.

He slid to a stop when he came upon Zeb, lying unconscious beside a badly fractured tree. His tongue turned to cotton in his mouth as he knelt down beside the big guy, settling a hand against his shoulder and reassured himself that the warrior was fine. He would have a terrible headache in the morning but he would recover within the next couple of hours.

The same couldn't be said about Ezra, whom he still hadn't been able to find.

Rising back up to his feet, he spun to resume his search only to freeze in place as he caught sight of his padawan standing several feet away. White robes hanging off his thin frame as blue eyes clouded with someone that wasn't Ezra- couldn't be Ezra. They were too old and sad.

Kanan felt his initial shock quickly morph to anger, which he swallowed down as he ground out, "Who are you?"

"Why?" the person asked in Ezra's voice as they stepped forward reaching out with a small pale hand, "Don't you recognize me?"

"I recognize my padawan," Kanan growled back, fingers nearly bloodless as they curled tightly at his sides, "and I recognize the fact that you're killing him."

Blue eyes blinked in shock as they gasped, "Padawan? You?"

Kanan wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean or what he was supposed to feel to that. All he knew was that the response made him angrier than he was before, teal eyes narrowing into slits as he took in the person killing Ezra.

"Yes," he replied voice steel and unwavering as he continued to glare, "and I'd appreciate it if you left him alone, whoever you are."

Another blink.

A tilt of the head, dark strands falling into place as they continued to seize him up like they were having trouble piecing something together.

"Who are you?" they suddenly demanded, blue eyes glaring as if they were coming to a conclusion that wouldn't work in Kanan's favor.

"Kanan Jarrus."

No hesitation. Just facts.

Blue eyes blinked in surprise, face morphing into one of utter confusion as they repeated in a soft voice, " _Kanan_?"

"Correct," Kanan responded, stepping forward so he could demand again, "Now get out of my padawan."

If there was any of Ezra left, that was. For all he knew, as soon as the presence disappeared then so would Ezra, who had already been so weak and ill.

He swallowed, forcing those thoughts from his brain as he concentrated on what currently stood several feet in front of him.

They blinked again, as if unsure, before blue narrowed into narrow slits as they growled, "Imposter. You're not him, you only _feel_ like him."

Which didn't really make any sense.

Before Kanan could ask what they were talking about, he was flying backwards. His back bounced off a tree before he landed on the grass, blinking dazed eyes back up at the now glaring figure several feet away. The white robes were whipping behind him as the trees seemed to bend back and forth under the crushing presence of the force.

Kanan wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Scrambling back to his hands and knees, he reached out at the oppressive force signature. He found it almost immediately, tangling with it even when it fought against him.

Ezra screamed, the noise shrill and foreign as he dropped to his knees. His hands came up to clutch at his temples, squeezing tightly as he hunched over himself.

Kanan didn't stop his assault on whatever was inside the kid, pushing back with all his might. He had been able to catch it off guard at first, but it had managed to recover pushing against him with twice as much strength sending bolts of pain through his skull.

He cried out in pain, throat going raw at the way it sent his head swirling.

" _No_ ," Ezra's small voice protested from several feet away, forcing the attack to lessen before collapsing completely.

Kanan took advantage of the opening, diving back in his padawan's head and digging out the presence that had all but buried itself back inside of Ezra. With great strength, he jerked until it came back to the surface.

"What?" it asked in Ezra's voice, head coming up to stare at him as blue eyes seemed to seize him back up, "Who are you really?"

"I already told you," Kanan replied climbing to his feet and starting over to where Ezra was hunched over on his knees, "The name's Kanan. Kanan Jarrus."

"Impossible," they choked, head falling so his chin touched his chest, "you feel so much like him. You shouldn't be able to _do_ that."

Kanan stopped several feet away as he cocked his head to the side and demanded, "Who?"

Blue met his own as they explained in a breathless tone, " _Caleb_."

* * *

Then:

Kanan hadn't always been known by that name just like he hadn't always been known as rebel or the leader of the _GHOST_. At one time, he had been a padawan that went by the name of Caleb Dume and he had lived in a temple. He had seen what it was supposed to be like to be a Jedi.

Then Order 66 happened and it was like all of that disappeared.

He had become a fugitive. He had done things neither the council nor his master would've approved of, until he had finally found a purpose. A crew in which he cares very deeply for, and watching any of them fall apart is enough to kill him.

 _No more_ , he had sworn back on that planet all those years ago, _I can't lose anymore._

* * *

Now:

For a moment, Kanan forgot how to breathe.

It seemed he hadn't been the only one, though. The whole world seemed to cease spinning, go painfully still and silent as bright blue eyes stared back at him. Not that it mattered, he wasn't there anymore. He was back to being just a youngling with too much curiosity as his master constantly chided him for being irresponsible.

" _Master_?"

It came out as a croak, realization striking him somewhere under the diaphragm and stealing all his breath with it. It wasn't possible, though. He had watched her die.

Blue eyes widened and he was certain then.

He wasn't sure how but the eyes looking back at him were those of his late master, though these seemed more vulnerable than he remembered. Almost like they _needed_ to know that it was really him, but Kanan couldn't see how that would be possible. After all, he's not the same he had been all those years ago.

"So it really is you," Depa breathed still in Ezra's body as she continued to stare at him in wonder, "my padawan."

Except he wasn't. Not really. Not anymore.

"How is this possible?" he demanded, anger overcoming his shock because she had lied to him and left him alone and now she was going to take someone else from him. Someone he doesn't think he handle losing.

"I'm not sure," Depa admitted blinking in surprise at the question before she squinted in his direction and added like a proud mother, "You've grown up well. Even gaining yourself a padawan of your own."

Kanan swallowed at the words, feeling weak as he nodded and added, "A padawan you're currently killing."

Depa's face fell, twisting Kanan's chest in ways he hadn't been aware it could as she nodded and whispered lowly, "I know. I'm sorry. I just- I had to find you. I needed to save you from the Empire."

"The Empire isn't our current threat," Kanan protested as he stepped forward, closer though it was much more cautious and less hostile than before as he accused, " _You_ are."

That time, he felt the shock through the force.

She still blinked in surprise, probably taken aback by his words before a small smile graced her lips and it was nothing like Ezra's ever done before. It was warm and gentle and proud in ways only those who saw the worst in everything could pull off. It unnerved Kanan to see it on the kid's face then, churning his stomach sickeningly.

"You see now, don't you?" she asked though he wasn't sure if she expected an answer from him, "Despite how frustrating they make us, we're not sure how we could get anywhere without them. They become something so much more than our padawans."

Kanan wasn't sure he's ever heard him speak so fondly about him before, no matter how indirect. It sent something warm and fuzzy to flutter around him, mixing with the cold at the thought of losing his padawan.

"Yes," he agreed, voice raw with the truth as he continued staring at Depa through the eyes of Ezra. It was so odd.

She reached out then, fingers brushing against his cheek and it was the way she did it that had him flashing back to all those times she used to touch him when they were still just master and padawan. When the world made sense and Jedi weren't hunted and executed.

"I'm sorry I left you so soon," she apologized, the words taking him by surprise but she continued before he had a chance to interrupt, "I just didn't see any other way to protect you, and I thought that you were smart enough to figure it all out on your own without me."

"Master," he breathed, eyes tightly closed as he felt a sudden sense of despair overcoming him.

" _Shh_ ," she soothed, stroking his cheek before she pulled away and whispered, "Ask me to stay and I will."

Teal eyes shot open, staring at her serious face in shock. His stomach flipped over in itself as the words made themselves clear. She was asking him to choose between her and Ezra. Master or apprentice. The answer seemed simpler than he thought it should've been.

"I _can't_ ," he told her his voice surprisingly even as he stared at her in ways she could only make him, "I-"

She shushed him by placed a finger to his lips, smiling back at him as she reassured, "It's okay. I understand. I'm proud of you, just always know that."

He blinked, realization dawning on him and making him squint back at her. It had been a test to see how he would respond.

"Master," he said, so many emotions thrust into that one word as he battered her hand away and glared. She just grinned back at him, mischievous making Ezra's blue eyes sparkle.

"I don't think I am anymore for there's nothing left for me to teach you," she replied sounding smug but also proud. Happy.

It warmed Kanan's heart.

"Teach him to be great just like you," she said, "He's stronger than either one of us could possible imagine. A terrible balance, the dark side always threatening to overwhelm him though his need to please you is keeping him from crossing over. Keep it that way."

Kanan swallowed as he nodded and promised, "I will."

Another smile, this one neither Depa nor Ezra, as she nodded and replied, "I know," and then as quickly as she seemed to have appeared she was gone.

Blue eyes rolled up in the back of Ezra's skull, causing the youth's knees to give out underneath him and sent him crashing to the ground. It was all the warning Kanan got as he dove forward to catch his padawan, cradling him in his arms as he sought him out through the force.

He managed to find him, small and weak but undoubtedly there. A grin split his features as relief threatened to overwhelm him and he didn't know for how long he sat there, holding Ezra while he allowed his thoughts to wander back towards his master, and he knew he wouldn't change anything given the chance.

He already found his home.


End file.
